Don’t Repeat Past Mistakes
So, I just got a phone call from my mother-in-law. She was calling to offer her support and urge me to go visit my mom. I have a feeling that my wife mentioned to her that I was going back and forth on whether or not to go visit my mom this weekend. Today is my third anniversary. I really want to celebrate my marriage. As much as I want to see my mom, I feel like everytime I see her has been on a positive occasion. I found out about her cancer on my birthday weekend. I spent Christmas with her before being forced back on the road by the threat of bad weather. Now, here it is, January seventh and I have the opportunity to go for a visit and I can’t compel myself to get on the road.
My mother-in-law told me about her situation when dealing with her father. She actually hoped to be in the hospital when her father died so she wouldn’t have to go to the funeral. I don’t have a fear of my mom dying. I have a fear of her time here being painful. I have a fear of not getting as much as I can out of our relationship while she’s here. I struggle with thinking that she shouldn’t be going through any of this based on how good a person she’s been (stepping outside of personal bias even) throughout life. I fear the announcement of a radically new and safe procedure that can help her being made public after it’s too late.
My mother-in-law did finally get to the point where she could be at her father’s funeral when it happened. I guess she doesn’t want me to risk the same gamble. I might not be able to spend as much time as I should with her if I don’t get on the road more often. Probably the most important part of the conversation was not to give up hope. My mom isn’t gone yet and so far, it’s only the doctor who’s saying she has to die. They’ve been wrong many times before. And I also have a whole new family ready to provide support. Everyone on my wife’s side has been very supportive. I may be pretty sad most of the time, but I think that’s to be expected. Right now, I’m still trying to remain hopeful that the medicine is going to do its job and that she’ll be able to live several more decades.
Tags: mother in law, phone, support, visit
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